Goooooooood Morning and Happy Easter Monday (for our fellow Canadians).
Today is a BIG day in our house (for 2 reasons):
First, let's talk about The Shadow House.
(The rental we moved out of 9 days ago).
Bright-eyed, BUSHY Babuh'd (and absolutely friggin' NAIVE about what was in store)...
2 years ago, we drove 17 hours across Alberta & BC, our Kia Sportage keeping pace with a U-Hail trailer bouncing on the back.
It was September 9th, 2020. The sun was hot & our s#%t eating grins were glimmering.
2 prairie girls and their beloved mastiff & charming rag doll, headed straight for coastal magic.
Well... You know what I always say...
"We don't always get what we want, we get what we NEED so we can have what we want."
This may sound cynical, but it's actually an energetic Law of Receiving.
Put in other words, we need the experiences that help us shape & build the somatic body that can HOLD, HAVE & MAINTAIN what we want.
And this, my sweet friend, is where it can seem like the Universe is 💩💩💩 on you.
Nope, she's got you in TRAINING CAMP, baby!
And the more we resist training camp, the longer we're there.
It's like being stuck in a house of f#%king mirrors.
(The Universe is savage like that, and I love her for it).
Anyways, The Shadow House is literally tucked in the shadows of a rainforest.
Do you know what happens in rainforests? We sure as heck didn't.
It's dark, it's damp, and it's COLD.
Even in the summer, we were almost always in hoodies when we were in the house and often needed a blanket just to feel warm.
In other words, we were constantly in a state of contraction.
Get this... 1.3 years into living in The Shadow House, we got an intuitive hit to buy a dehumidifier.
On the first evening of running it, we literally pulled 30 litres of water from the air.
The bedroom carpet actually felt dry for the first time. Weird.
We, then, proceeded to pull litres upon litres from the air every.single.day after for weeks.
To physically POUR THE DAMPNESS down the drain was important because it gave a visual sign that we weren't going crazy.
Both of us being FIRE signs, it had felt like our fire was being suffocated by a damp blanket.
Here's what I learned: the butterfly cocoon analogy is bang on.
Cocoons are not warm and cozy. They're disgusting! And toit!
And? They're necessary for the butterflies' evolution.
And while the dehumidifier did give us a few degrees of warmth; it didn't change the fact we still felt contracted every time we stepped into the house.
Always trying to find reasons to go out, eat out, leave, & distract.
Now, it's important that I clarify that we do LOVE the house.
It may seem like I am shitting on her now. No, no, no.
To be clear, that's NOT the case.
The rainforest is BEAUTIFUL.
The backyard was a sanctuary.
The location was EPIC.
And going into the shadows is NECESSARY.
I have endless gratitude for that house. She gave us exactly what we needed.
We are seasonal beings.
And we needed a season of fall/winter (energetically).
But when the shadow work was done (or... when we were ready for it to be done), staying in the shadows felt like spiritual suicide.
We tried, attempted, applied for, and WISHED for a new house for months.
Nothing was clicking.
We would find a place, and then it would get pulled away.
We would be promised a lease, and then it would fall through.
It was MESSED. UP.
We're so used to "creating our reality" and "how much better can it get!?" and living in pure possibility...
Did the well dry up?
Was it all a fluke?
Did we lose our potency?
Are we a HOAX?
We begged, we cried, we surrendered, we kicked, we surrendered...
Again, it felt like being trapped in the house of mirrors.
We EVEN CONSIDERED (and actively looked at) moving back to Edmonton; knowing full well we would be forfeiting our Ocean views, waterfall hikes, and laidback lifestyle...
We were so desperate for a house that got sunshine inside, we were willing to endure Edmonton's frigidity & mosquitos. (Yeah, desperate).
But even in considering Edmonton... Nothing. Clicked. Nothing. Flowed.
And then... we finally got The 'Vid.
Getting the 'Vid (if you're ready for her medicine) is like a friggin' plant ceremony without the psychedelics.
There's life before the 'Vid & life after.
Getting the 'Vid, for us, was like the f#%k'n firework FINALE of shadow work.
Years... and I mean YEARS of grief bubbled to the surface.
Mine was from when I was 1 year old and held the energetics of my Dad's first suicide attempt in my sweet little body.
V's is her own to share.
The tail end of being sick, we both experienced deep, DEEP apathy.
We felt physically better, but emotionally worthless.
Things suddenly began to feel... Lighter.
Warmer. Brighter. Hopeful.
And life began to shift & change very quickly.
We got back in FLOW.
To be honest, I am almost having a hard time believing where I am writing to you from.
I am not in the shadows...
Contracted, tired & cold.
I am writing to you from a south-facing, BRIGHT AF, 'ocean-view-from-every-room' home.
A home that actually receives SUNSHINE...
From Sunrise to Sunset - literally ALL day.
And the weirdest part?
We found this place EXACTLY 2 years later, TO.THE.DAY, after moving into the Shadow House.
September 9th, 2020 > September 9th, 2022.
After 2 years of darkness, dampness, and feeling chilled to the bone...
I am finally WARM in my own home & body.
(Both physically & energetically).
I cannot wait to create & serve from THIS place.
Not the location.
But the energetics of it all.
Not from my Shadow Leadership.
But as a lighthouse.
Here's a couple photos so you know I'm not being millennial-level-dramatic: Old vs. New Kitchen,
So, what the hell is with the 9's?
> 9 Easter Mondays ago, we met at the Sherwood Park Dog Park.
> September 9th, 2020, we got Shadow House possession.
> September 9th, 2022, introduction to the Lighthouse.
> October 1, we moved into the Lighthouse on a 9-month lease.
> 9 days later, it's our 9-year anniversary, and the day we close the loop on the Shadow House.
We were supposed to do the walkout last Wednesday and it didn't happen.
There's no accidents.
God does not operate on ACCIDENT.
So what would it take for us to TRUST more? Damn.
So, if you feel like you're going crazy, maybe you are.
And maybe that's what's required.
If you feel like the Universe is 💩💩💩 on you... I hear you.
And she isn't.
I can tell you with certainty...
There IS a light at the end of the tunnel.
Happy Thanksgiving from our Lighthouse to Yours.
May our experience remind you to Trust your own (with a capital T).